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A Gentleman Paintballer's look on life.
       Diamonds are USDE’s Forever.




Envisage, if you will, my dismay when learning of my good friend, Colonel Mayo, MIA in Hellmans Province. The UN supplied intel. on HMC’s latest maniacal ambitions and, with no other choice, I took command temporary of the USDE Defence Force aka the Diamond Dogs.
    Without further ado (coupled with the knowledge of saving the free world from that peanut-headed commander of the HMC forces B’Evil) I buried myself in acres of bally paper work. Come Sunday morning any doubts of success were soon becalmed when encountering the USDE units with every man Jack /Jackie of them tough as a NPF Burger.
    At HQ we began the briefing of the day’s objectives – knowing the area like the back of my hand was one thing but having the foresight of providing up to date mapping certainly helped those new to the zone. I have to smile when recalling someone asking if B’Evil and crew were doing the same?
‘They’ve difficulty finding their arse with both hands’ came my reply.
    For the strategists among you (I’m told there are one or two) I realised  more points were to be gained by the ‘hold and control’ missions or       ‘corsets’ as they came to known. If all went ( and why on earth wouldn’t it?)  to plan we USDE stood to achieve some 240 points from the ‘corsets’ – which is better than a jab in one’s ocular region avec a sharpened how’s your Pater!
     
As the 1100hr approached team USDE were (quite literally) straining at the tape, with everyone knowing their role in the coming conflict. The claxon sounded and before you could say ‘supercallathingummybob’ Bright Sword let slip his Diamond Dogs of War ( hoorah!)
      In a thrice the DD’s ( not  to be confused with ladies upper front bits) had, not only Operation Diamond’s flag raised but, equally, that of the Oil Depot’s clamped firmly betwixt their slavering jaws (crikey!) Then on, on, ran the valiant few, led by Lts. Tom and Kevin, running on winged feet to defend our Comms Tower from the advancing HFC ( booo!)
    Paintballs to the left o’them, paintballs to the right, discordant shouts of pain from the HMC Hyenas as the Diamond Dogs drove them from the field in abject disgrace, leaving nothing but the stink failure in their humiliated wake.

At 1130hrs I instructed the team to stand down and await the next assault. Oddly it became a case of all’s quite on the Corimbian Front. So I set our two token ‘fillies’ to making the Darjeeling and tidying up our temporary HQ at the Marquee. To all intents and what nots our plans of thwarting the horrid HFC were all tickety boo.
    Over comms link mission reports flew back and forth, like an adolescent’s foreskin, bearing the same communiqué ‘Hoffmann failed this, or failed that.’ Our hearts went out to the poor blighters. Then came a sneaky attack -having all the hallmarks of Pearl Harbour – I’ll give B’Evil his due – he knows a backdoor entry when he sees one!
    Leaving the secured Oil Depot in the safe hands of Ian Warner, that Brad Pitt lookalike, and his gallant squad, did the USDE sally forth, and despite heavy clandestine fire (wouldn’t do to face us would it you heinous HMC Hyenas) we sent the blackguards soon a packing – and jolly good riddance to ( hoorah)!
   
So yet another quadrant of the unremitting hour passed and still, in both sectors, did our glorious azure standard hold sway, USDE troops, organized as ever ( hoorah) – yet, mysteriously, no sign of you know who?
    On my comms link, young Lt. Tom Allen, that effervescent puppy, awash with impetuosity, intoned ‘hang it all Bright Sword – what say we take the fight to that den of vipers itself ? …..Over.’
    ‘Repeat,’ I stated, not hearing that well with the combined sounds of Hoffmann wailing, and our ‘ totty’ brewing more Darjay. Tom duly repeated his message while I, heart jibber-jabbering threatening to burst  my Saville tailored blouson, digested all he had to say.
    ‘So you’re suggesting the raiding of B’Evil’s ‘Chez Sylvan’ HQ?’ To his request I could but agree so, Puck fashion, off we flew, flitting from tree to tree, bush to bush, hardy perennial to hardy perennial, till at long last espying B’Evils sordid lair.
    ‘What’s that awful smell Bright Sword?’ Whispered Lt. Tom.
    ‘‘Bright Sword’s’ a tad formal, just call me Excalibre, that ‘awful smell’ – well it’s what the Hoffmann Army’s had to endure all morning – it’s B’Evils, pardon the vernac, Bulls Poo!’


Holding our breath, yet giddy with excitement, we ventured from hiding to place ordnance right under B’Evils lax guards noses. Recalling my good friend Mikey Mike’s ghetto slang  I shouted ‘ yo faggots, I and I and mo man Tom jus’ bus’ yo mo fo’s turf, an’ capped yo ass – f’real - a’ight.’*

*Translation ‘greetings dilly boys, Tom and my good self have destroyed your sexual deviant’s HQ creating merry havoc – that’s for certain – I hope it’s to your liking.’
    
Thereby we made good our escape to the wonderful detonations of our well placed grenades. You can well imagine that at this juncture the ‘fur’ was well amongst the ‘feathers.’ Had I an interpreter I’m sure B’Evil’s guttural frustrating ravings on our daring assault might have made sense.
    No sooner had Lt.Tom and I returned to temp HQ, telling the USDE of our success when, bugger me bandy, didn’t the tenacious HMC Hyenas have the impudence to attack our position, with me mid-verbal flow. Talk about breeding! Having no choice I coolly released a volley, bagging the scoundrels mid-stride.
    Then off for a well earned lunch with our GM muttering something about requiring a larger scoreboard for the USDE score – hoorah!!!



Come the interval Team USDE strolled back to HQ with a well merited spring in their step, including the T.T. ( Token Totty) in their camoed high heels. Confidence, it must be said, oozed out of our every pore. Knowing the apathy blighting the HMC rank and file, I must confess feeling a sense of pity for B’Evil and his misguided, muddle- minded minions. Earlier, whilst sipping an impudent Cabby Savvy, I couldn’t help noticing him drowning his sorrows in cheap Carling grog. Gentleman paintballer that I am, had me offering to buy the cur, and crew, a consoling tipple. His henchman Drask, face akin to a scrapyard, snarled at me to go. However, ignoring the patent masochist, I offered B’Evil the chance of surrender……he, of course, adding ‘you can stick your ‘surrender’ up your shitter…Commander ‘Pen knife.’’
    Man of few words, it seems, which brings me to his moral boosting speech having all the hallmarks of the Titantic’s captain reassuring doomed passengers that all was well !



-Mr Rick 'Bright Sword' Sinclair
Diamond Wars Story So far...

Deep in the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Corimbe two separate teams of geologists from the rival cartels of Hoffmann Minex plc. and U.S. Diamond Exports. have stumbled upon one of the largest kimberlite pipe discoveries on the continent of Africa. These kimberlite pipes, the raw source of diamonds driven from deep within the Earths core, once fully explored have the potential to yield hundreds of billions of Dollars.

The CONFLICT… has been fueled and supported by various international and national corporations and regimes which have an interest in the outcome of the conflict. Civil liberty organisations have charged that some multinational corporations from rich nations have been profiting from the war and have developed “elite networks” of key political, military, and business elites
to plunder Corimbe’s natural resources.

The race to control the mineral fields has begun, each cartel striking hard at the others base of operations so that they may hold the upper hand on the diamond supply and bleed the rival corporation of their holdings.
Do you have the tenacity to establish your Cartels dominance in the jungle? Find out
at Diamond Wars.

Reconnaissance Teams from two of the world’s largest Diamond Cartels were deployed to the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Corimbe. Thermo scans of the area suggested large quantities of various precious minerals were housed deep beneath the surface of the jungle. Little was known about the area, as it was abandoned years ago after a chemical war broke out. The Hoffmann Minex Corporation of Europe hired a group of Mercenaries to do their dirty work. Led by a ruthless Major, they sustained very few casualties over the battles that took place between themselves and the elite Reconnaissance Team from the United States Diamond Exports company. Locating Diamond depositories became a second priority after both teams discovered ancient and mystical artefacts, battled constantly through the Jungle, garrisoned POW camps to fend off unseen enemies, and blew up supply routes. Staying alive was their main concern!

The U.S. Reconnaissance Team sent out regular patrols though the jungle to discover what the HMC were up to. They found out that the Hoffmann Mercenary Squad were to collect supplies dropped in by helicopter, but their helicopter crashed, causing their supplies to be up for grabs by whichever force could capture them. The supplies, luckily, did not fall into enemy hands.

The Hoffmann Mercenaries, whilst constantly trying to build up their base by using the POW camp as a more defendable station, were under regular attack by U.S. troops who were vigilantly trying to break their lines and push them back into the jungle. The U.S. squad managed to blow up the watch towers used by the HMC thus disabling their defence, they then broke through and destroyed their comms station sending the Hoffmann Mercenaries into disorder. The final battle of the day was for possession of the POW camp which was won, narrowly by the Hoffmann Mercenaries, but well fought by the U.S. Reconnaissance Team.

At the end of the skirmish, the U.S. Reconnaissance Squad accumulated 88 points by completing missions and dominating tactical territories.
The Hoffman Mercenary Squad managed to gain themselves 93 points, which gave them a very narrow victory.

With the intelligence gathered from the Reconnaissance missions, the troops of the United States Diamond Exports (USDE), and the Hoffmann Minex Corporation (HMC) were deployed back into the unforgiving territories of the Jungles of the Democratic Republic of Corimbe. A veteran Colonel who had fought in the chemical wars of these Jungles, was recruited by the USDE to lead the US Forces. Col. S. Mayo, known quite simply as ‘the Colonel’ led his troops without fear. Returning as the commander of the Hoffmann Minex Corporation was Major Matt Corrall, ruthless as ever, leading fast and furious attack groups, severely damaging the USDE’s lines, and at one point almost destroying their HQ. After gathering supplies for their armies whilst blowing up enemy supply routes, the USDE found the HMC to be a very formidable force, which stopped them destroying a supply route. The USDE managed to acquire the HMC supply crate, as well as their own crate. After a brief discussion, the USDE made a deal with the HMC resulting in them selling the HMC’s supplies back to them!
Both teams battled on to locate and re-inter two coffins, hidden somewhere in the jungle. After locating and gathering both coffins the USDE looked to have the mission under wraps, but the ruthless HMC’s troops were under cover, waiting for the USDE to collect the coffins for them, at which point they ambushed them and took both coffins as their own. After setting up a lab to discover the secrets of a crystal skull found in one of the coffins, the HMC set themselves up to defend the area with patrols and sentries. The USDE had sent out a reconnaissance team to observe. The info gathered by this team proved valuable when the USDE re-grouped and attacked the lab, gathering all files, the crystal skull, and finally blowing up the lab. They then successfully held the area from attack.
After seeing a missile flying across the trees of the jungle, but not hearing a resulting explosion, both forces set out to discover its location. The HMC wanting to attain any explosives and chemicals from the warhead. The USDE wishing to defuse it and make the area safe. A skirmish over the missile broke out both forces, however, managed to complete their objectives.
The final firefight took place on previously unseen territory, an abandoned military base was located nearby, located in a prime tactical location, the HMC successfully held the position for the majority of the battle.
Battles throughout the day were hard and tasking with both teams sustaining large casualty numbers.
This Battle ended with the HMC at 142 points, attained by completing the majority of their missions, and collecting intelligence… however... they received a 30 point reduction, due to markers firing well over the chrono limit of 280. Their total event points were 112.
The USDE, over the day, received 116 points for mission completions, and gathered intelligence. This gave them their first win of the series.

The total series points could, literally, not be any closer. Overall the scores are 204 points to the U.S. Diamond Exports, and 205 points to the Hoffmann Minex Corporation..
The war continues with the HMC seeming to experiment with what appears to be alien remains, missiles and toxic chemicals whilst the USDE fight tactically to destroy the HMC’s efforts of domination.

The temperature is rising… both armies are preparing…

Colonel S. Mayo returns to control the trigger happy platoon’s of the United States Diamond Exports. His opposition is a newly promoted Major, Gaz T. Appow, keen to prove his worth in combat.

A section of troops representing the United States Diamond Exports mobilise to an unknown area of the Jungle; their mission is to hold the Hoffmann Minex Corporation from their objective. A lone structure is found in a clearing, well hidden from sensor scans and maps, yet extremely hard to defend from attack. The USDE reach the location first, with the HMC close on their tails. Troops from the USDE set up ambushes and sentries on the few tracks leading to the Comms Tower and a handful of soldiers then garrison the structure itself. Aggressive efforts from the HMC fail as the sentries hold their ground and prevent anything from passing. Casualties rise from the HMC and they fail to get within 20 metres of their objective. The USDE then manage to push the HMC far into the Jungle, giving them the chance to evacuate and regroup for their next mission…

A scientist that has been airdropped into the area by the USDE has started her work. But can the USDE defend her from attack? Ruthless sections from the HMC have located her lab and intend to stop the USDE research… Attacks from the HMC are regular and unforgiving - they seem unstoppable. As they reach an abandoned POW camp where the USDE are working from they wipe out any enemy in their way, and push past the position of the lab but straight into an ambush - the USDE are waiting for them. The death toll on both teams is high but the USDE’s medic is on hand and nearly all of the HMC’s troops are taken out. All is not lost though, as a lone Hoffmann Minex trooper rushes in and kidnaps the Scientist from her lab. Swiftly he puts her over his shoulders and runs for his life - determination on his face.
The USDE are unaware that she has been taken and fail to give chase!

With the scientist’s information and research in her possession, the HMC now have the upper hand. They now know that the coffins of Birimbo and Karkulu possibly contain valuable resources, previously unfound. They patrol back through the Jungle to the shallow graves of these mysterious characters. Unable to locate Birimbo, they concentrate their efforts on Karkulu’s. Moving through the dense tracks is not an easy task but they succeed in moving the coffin to their HQ by the skin of their teeth -narrowly missing ambushes set up by the USDE…

When last in the POW camp the USDE failed to eliminate all the HMC. The skirmish has escalated with both Armies trying to gain the upper hand over the other. Fighting hard, the HMC manage to blow up both watch towers on the USDE’s lines but as this happens two troops from the USDE have flanked their opposition, and rigged THEIR two towers to blow. As the watch towers fall these two gunners ambush the majority of the HMC, shooting them down without a second thought. The HMC - not knowing where they were attacked from, crumble, and the few survivors flee back to base to report to their Commander…

Their Commander who is unhappy with the results of having his troops pushed into a retreat steps from his defensive base and leads his troops into battle. His goal is to gather parts from his crashed helicopter and start the build on a chemical weapon powerful enough to wipe out the USDE. Colonel Mayo decides to face his opponent head on and personally organises the ambush of the HMC, planning to wipe them out after they have taken what they need from the crash site. Unfortunately, this plan fails and Major Appow successfully retrieves the Chemical Components. A battle then ensues over the possession of the Chemicals, which soon turns to a stale mate. The USDE are forced into a retreat and the HMC withdraw, victorious!

Supplies are low in both the Hoffmann Minex and U.S. Diamond Exports’ camps… they need to replenish. Word reaches the Armies of a convoy that was taken out by an air strike, the convoy is said to contain food, water, ammo and weapons - all of which are urgently needed by both sides. Possession is the goal and whoever can dominate the convoy will win this battle. Both forces strike hard and hold their lines well but there can be only one victor… the United States Diamond Exports managed a high win - holding the domination point for nearly twice as long as the Hoffmann Minex Corporation.


The overall scores for this episode were 195 points to the HMC and yet another near win to the USDE with 215 points. This throws the USDE into the lead as the series points now stand at; 400points to the HMC and 419 points to the USDE.

1100h is creeping upon the corporate soldiers of both the Hoffmann Minex Corporation and the United States Diamond Export. The time is 1045, and an intense waiting game has started. Both Forces are after multiple objectives. They need to blow up each others resources, whilst maintaining a dominant grip on the land between them. The USDE’s 2nd in command, Commander R. Sinclair (Code Name ‘Bright Sword’), takes charge of the troops, as their Colonel is still MIA. They decide that taking the HMC’s water supply is not an essential objective, so they opt to take a more defensive stance. The HMC’s intentions, however, are to cripple their opponents lines, and resources. But can they make it through the USDE’s strong lines?

Led by a hired Executive, Mr B. Evil, the HMC set out at a fast pace, their destination is a comms tower that has been seized by the USDE. Unfortunately for them, this move was anticipated by the USDE Commander, and an ambush was set. The HMC had no chance of fighting through. This resulted in both Armies failing to destroy the opposition’s resources.

Elsewhere in the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Corimbe, A Oil Depot is being fought for… the USDE, yet again, prove that defence CAN be the best offence, and do not let the HMC within 50meters of the area. This squad of troops, entrusted by Cmdr Bright Sword have just begun their mission of holding, and controlling this tactical location.

Word has got out to Mr B. Evil that the USDE have built another comms tower, trying to complete an array, and attempting to control radio waves in the vicinity. A Demolition squad has been deployed to take out the tower. This elite Squad of two move fast throughout the territory, but from a fluke of bad luck, they are intercepted by Cmdr Bright Sword who was briefing his troops, the skirmish was short, and both HMC Demolishers were killed off quickly. Still deciding to be defensive, Mr Sinclair leads a roaming patrol down a key trail towards the Oil Depot to personally re-enforce his troops. The patrol however was ambushed by a handful of HMC troops. The casualties were high, and Mr Sinclair himself was injured, they had to retreat.

For the next hour or so, both the HMC and the USDE engaged constantly to dominate the battle field.

The HMC, in their bid for domination, decide to take drastic measures, a squad was sent to retrieve vital components for a UXO (Unexploded Ordinance), their intention was to use the guidance chips to give them up to date information on the USDE’s areas of control, so they could find a weakness in their lines. This went according to plan, with the retrieval party moving at a fast pace, they managed to reach the UXO within little time, and began extracting the relevant hardware. They successfully returned the guidance chip and Mr B. Evil commenced deciphering the hundreds of coordinates hidden in the chips.

Supplies are running low for the USDE; they have just had what could be their last meal. Extreme measures are needed. They are to blow up the enemy’s supply route, and scavenge whatever they can! Led by Bright Sword himself, a Platoon of troops set out to their objective. A fire fight breaks out in Obmar Village, and the USDE successfully push the HMC’s line back into the Jungle. With the speed of a bullet, the USDE’s Demolitions Team pace in and destroy the main Bridge in the supply route. Tension is high as the USDE soldiers grab what they can and bug out towards their HQ. On their way back they come across a section of HMC troops, including the feared assassin, known as Fraz, they are trying to sabotage the USDE’s watch towers.. Heavy fire comes from the HMC, raining down on the USDE troops. Just when it looks bleak for the USDE, Cmdr Bright Sword radio’s in for re-enforcements, who quickly respond, and over power the HMC forces.

In retaliating to the USDE’s destruction of the supply route, the HMC attempt to take revenge in blowing the USDE’s own routes, this does not go as planned, as the Oil Depot, still garrisoned by a large quantity of USDE troops, as right on the route, and the HMC are unsuccessful in their approach.

The Hoffmann Minex Corporation’s efforts are thus far proving futile. Moral is low, as are their supplies and intel. Their spies have reported something that will prove valuable to them. An executive from the U.S. Diamond Export’s Head Office is visiting the Village of Obmar… The information that this executive knows could be crucial to the overall victory of this war for Diamonds.

An elite group of troops sets out to capture the executive. Finally breaking through the USDE’s defence lines, they manage to restrain and take hostage the exec, and return him to their HQ for interrogation.

Each force had hired snipers to eliminate strategic defence positions, at the start of the war, the trigger happy HMC managed to snipe their three OWN targets, casing a brutal blow to their defence lines. They did, however manage to take out three of the enemies targets, redeeming themselves with their commander.

The USDE, already having three of their sniping objectives completed, managed to take out yet another target. Neither Faction, however, managed to eliminate their opposition’s Commander.

Both forces did manage to capture intel on strategic positions on the field, by use of photography. They also managed to secure the precious mineral of Diamond Ore, kept in crates, with an even amount for each side.

In an aggressive stance, the USDE’s demolition managed to attack the Hoffmann Minex’s HQ with the use of explosives. Successfully attacking their base twice, the USDE managed to disrupt the HMC’s management.


The Hoffmann Minex Corporation managed to intercept a transmission within the USDE, informing them of an area that is flush in Diamond Ore… the deserted Mining town of Westlimbo. Westlimbo was once the wild mining town capital of the Corimbe. It has long since been deserted, but the minerals, mined there, were never depleted. The USDE mobilise to head to Westlimbo, but the Hoffmann Minex Corporation were waiting for them. Another battle for domination broke out, and casualties were extremely high, but the Hoffmann Minex Corporation controlled the battle and were left victorious at the end of the skirmish.

Throughout the day, the HMC obtained 391 points, gathered by completing core missions, plus a number of bonus and side missions.

The USDE have collected their third victory of the series with a mighty 527 points.

Overall, the scores now stand at HMC 791 and USDE 946

With two episodes left, all is still to play for.

There are many unanswered questions though;

Where is Colonel Mayo of the USDE?
Who is this mysterious suited character of the HMC, Code Name ‘Drask’?
Were the HMC’s snipers on the USDE’s payroll?
How many look-a-likes has Mr Sinclair hired as a diversion?
Who will come out victorious at the end of the next episode?

There’s only one way to find out, book in for next month’s Diamond Wars on Sunday October 26th, only at National Paintball Fields, Birmingham.

0121 327 3961 for bookings and info.

you can also find us on facebook! just search 'National Paintball Fields...' (we're the big group! :-) )


Update will arrive soon...
Intercepted letter from Drask Hoffmann to the Troops of the Hoffmann Minex Corporation.
"Solders of Minex
It has been brought to my attention of the regular failure's that has been occurring during this war, most of you have done what has been asked by your superior Dr B Evil, some of you have not. The US Diamond Exports are overturning our attempts at destroying them, this is not longer acceptable. It is time for us to take the stand and push ourselves to the limit to overturn this war into our favour. No longer can we fail, no longer can we fall back into safe ground, we must push forward, we must strike fear into our enemy, show that we will not back down. It is time to show the US Diamond Exports what the Hoffmann Minex Corp is all about.

That is why, as Vice President, I am standing ground along side you all, to push each and everyone of you, lead you all into victory over this enemy, along with myself and I am sending by best commanders to lead each group into achieving our goals.

No More shall be back down
No More shall we be feared by our enemy
It is time to strike fear into them
It is time, for victory


I shall see you all on the battle field


Drask Hoffmann

Drask Hoffmann
Vice President Of Production Operations"
THE DIAMOND WARS

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